Even mountain climbers (maybe especially them!) need to stop and catch a breath, sit, rest, sleep, not push so hard, and very much to: LOL.
Nothing didn't know what this meant, this LOL. It would read it in some of the consumer complaints it edits. So an adult daughter explained it means: Laugh Out Loud.
This morning awoke and thought of Marie-Anne of Agnus Dei, a victim soul of 100 years ago or so. French. At age 15 she was writing a rule of life, making resolutions, and one was to overcome herself and rise each day at the same time and begin her tasks--among other great spiritual resolutions, quite simple but profound.
Nothing got up to ready for early Mass, thinking of how Marie-Anne had such determination in youth. Then nothing had to get back in bed. It will have a slow morning and then ready for noon Mass.... Maybe it will get some groundcover planted, watch a harp DVD, or not, and edit an hour, paint a fence section side?
It will pray very much for a lovely soul who seeks God intently. And, nothing will LOL over not much if anything, but yet laugh. The laughter will be a prayer for this other soul and for nothing and for all souls like us could use a laugh. Once, nothing was told by someone it was rather persecuted by, that nothing "never smiled." Said nothing was just like a piranha.
Nothing cried and cried later, and asked an older woman if it is true. What was a friend to say? But nothing does smile, but perhaps not enough. Then nothing thought about the piranha statement, not meant as a compliment. And the older woman did point out that the person who said such things has a solid track record of lashing out at people. But nothing decided to learn about piranhas, and found they are beautiful fish. They also have what appears to be a perpetual smile, with their large teeth showing! Nothing might dig out from the files something it wrote on the subject, which totally turned a negative into a positive. For now, it is as well to share that piranhas have fine qualities, as well as their reputation for being fierce predators. Even the memory of what seemed so crushing, now brings a smile--and nothing will even LOL. Right now, in the great (small) room of Agnus Dei Hermitage! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Jesus on the Crucifix, Pope Benedict XVI framed by the window, St. Sharbel Maklouf and his third class relic on the wall, Our Lady of Grace in her statute on top of nothing's comfort chest, St. John Nepumocene in his first class relic on the mantle, the orchids, Beth the Guardian Angel, and Rosa Mystica the harp plus any other angels and saints here--surely Mom and Dad beside nothing in their photo--all heard nothing LOL. Just now.
The LOL was offered for the one who persecuted and ridiculed nothing years ago, but more so is offered this morning for the soul who anguishes and is beset by doubts, and who feels so alone amidst people. When it all becomes too intense, and either messages come from without or within that disrupt the peace bequeathed by Jesus, or threaten to distract us from our menial (and often temporally salvific!) daily chores, or cause our heads to burn or to hear the roar of conch shells put to the ear--a good LOL is in order!
Nothing may publish the comment, for it is quite excellent in its description of how alone one can feel, and when that aloneness gets snapped up by that which is too much (what nothing calls the "heebie jeebies") and seems that the body and soul are on the brink.... At that point, it is good to force oneself to do the manual labor, to stop trying to attempt mental prayer, to go to confession and talk with a priest, to make loving aspirations such as "I love You, Jesus, and please help me through the heebie jeebies." It might be a good time to go for a walk if there is not outside work to be done, or to engage in a creative project, even if it is baking cookies with a child, if children are about wanting some attention. It is a good time to LOL, even if that is forced, and to smile, even if that is forced. Break from the spiritual intensity, and use a good LOL to signal the rest break.
But when (not if) the Lord desires the climb to continue, He'll give the nudge. Sometimes after nothing has LOL'd, or broken from the intensity, it is but a short while when the mind has been refreshed, and the soul is ready to hike onward and upward.
Yes, the comment written seems good to publish and then to write more, but nothing may do that later, as it seems the message to LOL is what comes to nothing to share, for now, and to pray some LOL's, for nothing does understand what this other person is experiencing. Nothing also is going to pray that this soul pray and seek out a priest, be given a priest, to help guide on the climb. It does seem the time has come to have that spiritual coach, if God so wills. And to read good spiritual books and of lives of saints. They help us through the annals of their lives.
Prayers, and LOL, for nothing awoke thinking, also, of its failings and of how it seems strangely alone--until nothing realizes that the only difference is that nothing is not the one picking and choosing the encounters, and that God brings all kinds of encounters--even in the memory of the one who ridiculed and persecuted nothing, so it means since he came to mind, with some humor and appreciation, more prayers for him and some LOL for him, too. And today, in the present moment.
[The photo is of the cloth-wrapped, gasoline-soaked voodoo head being torched in the Agnus Dei driveway, a couple Sunday nights ago. It took five torchings to get the thing to ashes. When one looks upon the situation of the voodoo head, it could have been quite upsetting, considering the attempted curse inherent in such things. Then the mind can think of the ones who purchased it and had such thoughts, and it becomes all the more upsetting. And then, and then. But to take action--to call a priest, to find out what to do, to let the prayers increase and then to torch the ugly little thing--and then, and even now, to LOL! Take joy! The voles are gone, one tree died, the gardens are moving forth, and the people are being prayed for with love, the voodoo head has been reduced and purified by fire, ashes assisting a Canna lily to grow near a statue of the Sacred Heart (moved St. Michael to a birch tree called Dark Prince). All matters put in prayerful perspective and viewed with love become a smile and sometimes even a laugh out loud. Jesus is always the victor, and it is about Him and about souls, and not really very much about self, for we have died and live not, but Christ lives and we in Him. There is much laughter in death and in rising. Much joy.]
4 comments:
Dear Nothing, gratefully I thank you. Yes, you have deciphered it perfectly for me. Joy is what is missing. That is the loneliness- missing laughing and smiling and simple carefree joys. Isn't that what summer days are made for? The beautiful sunshine, flowers, and bird- it is like a glorious symphony of love.
That is the sound I will fill my ears with today. I am taking a day off.
Yes, as my mother would say- paste a note on the door that says - GONE FISHING! With mystery we would pack up and leave to enjoy a fun day out with our note taped on the glass pane of the kitchen door (but never fished LOL) She would even have us to play hooky from school some days and write on my teachers excuse note that she kept me home to go fishing. I would always be mortified by that! I was like a little adult and my mother a carefree breeze. I enjoyed school and worked hard and she she would force me to have a fun day, which I thought very irresponsible of her. I guess I must have been quite the child to her! LOL Not at all what she probably expected out of motherhood- forcing her child to skip school:) She is still a carefree breeze and I am still too serious.
I have officially claimed this a vacation day to have fun and to laugh and to get outside and enjoy God's beauty. I empathize with you about the piranha statement. But as you point out, piranhas are all teeth, so they are always smiling :)
I see that I was looking wistfully, even enviously, at the joy others seemed to have and wondered where my own was- I could not understand why if I had God then why was I so unhappy while others seem to be clearly very happy. I could not make peace with that. How could I not be joyful with Him as my love? And I fell into envy and doubt. The evil one does know how to twist things so! But also I let it happen.
So, I will pick myself up by the bootstraps as they say, kick the dust off my boots, and travel on. Off I go to enjoy my beautiful summer day with the Lord in my heart. I pray you will also find it a joyous day. I had a harp also when I was younger but I never learned to play it properly. It is a beautiful instrument- so heavenly! I am very happy for you!
God bless dear Nothing- going fishing! LOL
Dear Dreaming,
Praise God this helps. Tend to agree with you, though, that skipping school is not quite the answer, nor is not doing one's daily duties with spouse and children, for we must keep in mind our responsibilities. And yet--when it all gets too much, LOL and have a break!
Glad you have "gone fishing" today! Did you take your children with you? Or, is it at a point in which you must fish by temporal self? Once someone suggested, years ago, that I get a casual book to read and take the children to the park so they could play, and I just relax. Well, casual books always left me feeling empty and worse than before, but did take the children to the park and watched them play, and just relaxed in the moment--and 23 years later remember where I sat and where the children played.
Prayed for you during noon Mass and during the morning. Also on the way home from Mass, and thought there are some aspects to share, perhaps, from the comment not yet posted. Do you want it posted?
Your experiences and feelings are ones with which I can relate, and probably others, and they remind me that a good dose of Teresa of Avila several times a day, during episodes of wanting to dream rather than to put the nose to the daily duties, is quite beneficial-- particularly when children and spouse are what God has chosen. St. Teresa said that God is in the kitchen, with the pots and pans [paraphrased!].
Also, St. Dorotheos of Gaza reminds us that we must wish for and desire what has happened. So, perhaps that is why a nothing Catholic hermit's life seems so peaceful and delightful. Nothing has accepted, desired, and wished for what God has chosen for it (or at least am working on accepting, wishing and desiring this which has happened, is, and remains unfolding in a way nothing would have chosen for itself.) Do you see? You could accept, desire and wish--and even DREAM--of your life with spouse, children, and all the growing up years and household tasks, and of instilling saintly qualities in your children and spouse by being saintly yourself! Instead of dreaming of the Beloved in a kind of yearning to be alone with Him, you would find He is in the daily and nightly moments of what is your current vocation as wife and mother. There are good wife and mother saint books out there--and in this way you would gain insights as to how they persevered in their daily existence yet grew closer to God than what being a hermit might bring! Who knows? But the thought did come during Mass that Jesus might not appreciate your yearning for Him if it interferes with what He has chosen for you, for now. And repeat: for now. There was a time when nothing was in entirely different circumstances, and it was difficult to transition; but at times it longed for release from so much single responsibility, then longed for the distractions of that life once that phase was over!
It is very good to learn to wish for and desire (to yearn and dream) of that which we have, of that which has happened, and of that which, then obviously, the Lord has allowed in our individual circumstances at any given moment. And, of course, this precludes sin--we are not to desire or wish for sin, if that has happened!
Hope you make a big catch today! The Lord be with you, and bless you!
Dear Nothing,
yes you may use my comment. I feel it will cost me a bit of pride but that is probably a good thing. Maybe it will help others.
The weather did not co-operate with an outside plan so instead I just tried to find fun where I was at each moment. How nicely the day flows when one practices it. I mostly tend to forget to stay in the present moment and what calm it brings. My confessor gave me a penance in the past to find things in my life that would bring me closer to God, and to take time to refill so as to be able to keep giving. Not leaving my current state, but to do little things like reading, enjoying a walk, having a cup of tea, taking a rest in the afternoon. I do tend to forget.
As I slowed my mind and body down to the present and kept myself there I saw siblings share, hug, and help each other. I saw laughter and smiles, listened to crickets, and got caught in the rain. A new pumpkin has made it to life in our garden (something has been eating them. I listened to a little one quietly singing alleluia while she thought no-one was listening. I called someone who is lonely to cheer them up with some cute things my children said and did.
I will ponder your good ideas and I cannot be happier to have and to give prayers. I hardly ever have an alone day except when school is in session. I could not bring myself to hire a stranger to sit and that is our only option. We do things as a family or we don't do them. It is my husband who actually says we may sacrifice but we will enjoy it all while we can. Once in awhile my husband and I give the other spouse some alone time without children. All of them have been near death due to illness, one before she was even born- so while parenting can be tiring, we have had the experience of really knowing what a loss it would be to lose any one of them. I like to think that maybe God is not finished sending us His blessings.
I could probably try to make friends with other parents but I often find that I don't really fit in with much of my parent peers thoughts or worldly lifestyles. Jesus has taken the rest away in one way or another.
I do practice the presence of God thru my day as I work, I try not to neglect anything or anyone. I do love to do the ordinary jobs like dishes, laundry, mowing because my mind is free to be with Him and I think that it is conducive to parenting but not at every moment of course. Still there is a yearning when I cannot do this due to the activity going on. My mind is not always free to rest in Him. Other times I am just so happy to love Him I think my heart will burst.
I long for alone time yes. Before the vacation I was spending regular hours at the blessed sacrament or in prayer and now I truly miss it. All the little ones will be in school soon full days so I hope to volunteer to visit the shut-ins in our church and to bring them communion. I think I would be afraid to be alone all day like you, I am unsure why. I think I am afraid of the desert. I am not sure God will allow it anyways. As He wills.
Once again, I write a novel. Well, I did not want you to worry about the children. I have a very weak heart when it comes to that. I can't stand to know or think anything bad is happening to one of His little ones. That accounts for the lengthy description also in case others feel the same, so their peace will remain.
I feel guilty writing so much. I hope that the Lord does not mind the time I have occupied your thoughts from Him. I was hoping that maybe when the weather turns cold and there is not much gardening to do, maybe then you may have time to start a book list. I think that would be a very good resource. Also, possibly a list of places to buy out of print books.
I will continue to pray for you also and your intentions.
Dear Dreaming,
This has been most helpful, as I have been praying for better insight so as to pray best, and to write what might be encouraging! And, to let you know that I DO understand, for it is not that long ago that I had those mixed feelings of loving the activities of being a parent, yet of being worn out and also so in love with Jesus and the Church, that going to Mass meant everything, and time to pray in silence was a yearning.
There are regrets here, that I did not do as well as I should have at the time, but those are doubts that must not be entertained at this point. The concern is that perhaps others realize how much I love the Church, and if they do not share that love, there is a gully between what is most important, what is most loved. So, even if one is a hermit, there are occasions in which one must sacrifice that alone time and to be for others in an active sense--and to not at all let on that the heart might be elsewhere. In fact, it is good practice to have the heart be right where it is, and to love all in the situation as we are in Christ always (or should be!).
Just spent time listening to someone who called and wanted to go over details of a doctor's visit. The editing also takes the mind, and it seems as if the people are telling me their horror stories in the consumer world. So I pray for them, and sometimes make a comment to them even if they don't hear it, such as how sorry I am!
It is reassuring that you have a regular confessor, that you have all matters in balance and also, though, need to be able to express the longings of your heart! Now that this is clear, feel free to express them, and I will know that you are not neglecting any aspects of your here-and-now duties, which Christ places before all of us.
Being alone all day is rather startling, but only when one stops to realize that it has not spoken to anyone, for the prayers begin to seem as if one has spoken--and truly one has spoken to God, about this or that situation. And when it seems very quiet, perhaps too quiet, then God sends some noise, such as the birds chirping extra much, or a person calling to talk about a doctor's visit. But, if calls would become too much, one does not need to answer or can use e-mail. This is not a life I had ever anticipated, for sure! But, I can see that there were seeds planted from earliest memory, and along with suffering, it is a natural vocation--besides being told mystically that this is what I'm to be. And you don't know that some day your vocation may be altered. The saints' lives are full of examples as to how it is best to keep in mind, this is how it is...for now!
God bless you, and thanks for writing the expressions of your life and heart and soul!
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