Have yet more out-of-print holy Catholic books coming. Why? Somehow, nothing noticed some titles, and after a discussion with a clerk knowledgeable in Medieval spirituality, was advised of the titles that will be helpful to nothing's slow study of the mystics, victim souls, and hermits--and the spirituality leading souls to union with Christ.
Then there was struggle with guilt for having purchased more, when there are many here yet to be read. But it is all right. Some of it has to do with nothing's yearning to possess and be possessed. The Most Holy Trinity envelopes, and nothing nests within the Sacred Heart; yet the human soul remains separated. All those sideways crosses, perhaps, and also the way it is with souls yet in bodies.
So here is the book of discourses and sayings of St. Dorotheos of Gaza, 6th century monk and hermit. Nothing finished the book a couple or so months ago, but there remains a few sharings of note.
One is that Dorotheos advises in times of error, that if it is one's fault to lower the head and say, "I am sorry. I have done it. Please pray for me." If it is not one's fault, lower the head and say, "I am sorry. Please pray for me." This, he says is truth as well as humility.
This morning, however, nothing noticed in the listing of maxims on the spiritual life, this advice:
"He who does not hold to his own will always have what he will; for externally he does not get his own way but whatever happens, no matter what it is, gives him quiet satisfaction and he discovers for himself that he has what he will. For he does not want things to happen as he wishes; he wants things to have happened as they happen." *
This is good to ponder. Three books were already sold as we spoke on the phone of the books being gathered for shipment to Agnus Dei. Well, nothing has what it will. It wants things to happen as they happen. Nothing's shoulder is bum; no planting or shoveling today, and even painting is going to have to be awkwardly attempted with left arm. And nothing must have quiet satisfaction in this occurrence. It reminds the soul of its total dependence upon God and its vulnerability, physically--and in all aspects. As St. Dorotheos also comments:
"As shadows accompany the bodies that cast them, so temptations accompany the fulfillment of the commandments."
The Lord has been showing nothing another sideways cross. During Mass yesterday morning, it heard "PRIDE" spoken within, clearly. Yes, Lord, it is true. Nothing's head was already bowed in silence, and in silence it admitted and knew this was the unveiling of a goliath sideways cross. Yes, it is true. I am sorry. Please pray for me!
In the night, nothing was taken back to young adulthood, when other choices could have been made in matters of place, of living in a place; and in that showing nothing could see from a higher view, the sense of pride instilled early on: pride of place and of people.
Nothing must consider that it wanted things to have happened as they happen. Now, including the invasion of the voles! A man appeared while nothing put out more poison peanuts last evening, and as we talked, he said he'd never seen so many vole holes. He'd had them in his last yard, and they just never go away. He had success with vibrating stakes, moving the voles elsewhere, off his property. Presumably to the neighbors'. Nothing will persevere. These voles have come, and nothing must have quiet satisfaction that they are here for a reason. Nothing wonders if it is just punishment for many offenses. And, if all the trees die, or if nothing is enslaved to daily vole control efforts, nothing wants what has happened as it happens.
Truly. This is so with the damaged (perhaps poisoned to death?) relationship due to nothing's talk of certain persons. There is a quiet peace and satisfaction, as it was an instable situation, dependent upon others' whims, moods, stresses. Hardly a healthy relationship, superficial although others may not have noticed. Sometimes these situations hang on, burrowing in and gnawing on the roots of minds, suffering the soul subtly. Then the reality is exposed, in its pain and awkwardness, and often the best answer, after an apology, is to be content in allowing the souls movement in separate directions.
"He who runs away from distressing people, runs away to rest in Christ."
[The Green Cascade Japanese Maple, photographed upon its planting in the front Mary Gardens of Agnus Dei, refreshes with green that fills in, producing a cascading, leafing waterfall effect. One waits for the growth, patiently--externally not getting one's own way but discovering for oneself, in God's gift of time, that one has what one will.]
*Wheeler, Eric. P. (trans.) Dorotheos of Gaza: Discourses and Sayings. 1977. Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications. pp. 252-53.
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