So much work yet in the gardens, and then the hermitage interior needs cleaning--and some other maintenance projects to tend. The spiritual da said the gardening is going to be the major work of this summer, and so it is proving. But it is good work, and there is much learning about the spiritual life in gardening, in manual labor.
It is also humbling to reflect that some hermits must work full-time jobs, guarding their vocations while doing so, and then have fewer hours for spiritual reading, Mass, mental prayer, adoration, and upkeep of their hermitages.
St. Francis de Sales wrote to someone busy with many tasks, to do all with "gentle diligence." Doing tasks with force does not bring merit to soul, mind, or body--or to the outcome of the task.
The confessor commented the other day that he has thought over the nothing Catholic hermit's idea (seems to have come over time and from the Holy Spirit) to not reach out nor to initiate contacts, but to rather wait to see who and if and what the Lord brings in terms of contacts. The nothing decided to share this sub-rule of the "s" of "solitude" with a couple of friends and an adult daughter--and also expressing that it understands better, now, how busy they are with their obligations and necessary distractions in their vocations (married life, parents of youth, careers).
Having the confessor approve this mode has brought a kind of relief from guilt and doubts. Today, the nothing Catholic hermit accomplished much in prayer, or so it seems, for the time spent in the gardens flew by as carried by the red-winged blackbirds that also love to perch and chirp atop the weeping bald cypress, or the paperbark maple, or the weeping snowfountain cherry, or the weeping white spruce, or the weeping dawn redwood. (The Mary Garden has a weeping theme...!)
Gentle diligence is necessary in the many current tasks--as well as in the prayer life, and the editing, and listening during Mass. Gentle diligence is needed in the very sparse verbal encounters. Today these have been a phone call to ascertain correct spelling of someone's name, call to friend who'd invited the hermit as a last-minute invite which the nothing prayed about and declined for a couple of good reasons, and spoke to three persons in the sacristy following what ended up being a rather bungled scene at Communion time. The extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion did not seem to know when to rise and go to the altar, and two did not show up, and one who volunteered did not know where to stand.
Nothing did not have opportunity to find substitutes prior to Mass, for three of them tend to come just prior--and two of the three often do not come at all and do not get substitutes. So nothing tried gently to communicate what we are to do, after, so perhaps we will not have this awkwardness again. One person took the communication appreciatively; the other seemed strained and challenged slightly. Gentle diligence! And nothing must ask the rector advice on how to better handle situations in which volunteers do not come, do not get subs, or come at the last minute. Gentle diligence, though! Gentle! Diligence!
The spiritual da just called, as nothing had left a message for a blessed Father's Day. Nothing asked about the sub-rule to the "s" of solitude, and the Da said that is how a hermit is to be--waiting in solitude upon the Lord, waiting for whom He brings, if anyone at all. Wait for who might call, or not; and a hermit must otherwise remain solus Deus. No guilt, no doubts; others have vocations of active ministry. It is also a charity, for one with a vocation ruled in simplicity (although the manual labor seems not so simple right now!) and other s'--to have empathy for those necessarily busy--to visit or call when and if they have need or time.
And, quite frankly, if the nothing abides as it has been doing, in this sub-rule of solitude, not many people have need or time. It is oh-so-awesomely humbling! It is a marvelous taste of death to self: how unessential is a nothing in the full (or even partial) scheme of things! Exquisite nothingness!
It laughs to consider that it's major contact of necessity was communicating to two humans in the sacristy over when we are to rise to come to the altar area! And one contact with a priest seemed necessary-- for the nothing to get into the locked sacristy--when the celebrant priest was in there, all along! Truly, these major contacts are otherwise minor...and simply, extravagantly humbling.
Next, there is a task that must be tended; and it is delicate and painful. But the Bishop has asked, and the confessor told the nothing that if the Bishop asks it to do something, then it must do as the Bishop asks. Of course! Nothing desires to do as the Bishop requests, but this involves something difficult to write due to the sensitive nature of the situation. There is a sorrow for someone who has been trapped in sin and sickness of sin; yet, it must be stated clearly, and with compassion, but truth must prevail. So, the nothing has been praying about this for 36 hours, mulling over what to write, as it will help the Bishop in his holy work; and it is what he has asked nothing to do.
Gentle diligence!
2 comments:
I will be praying for your sub-rule; I am going through a bit of a "humbling" myself in a relationship which I am trying to preserve, though I am not sure if it is what God really wants, so I am sort of wrestling with myself. Sometimes what God asks of us does indeed humble us, though I do believe that all of our pain, of course, brings us closer to Him if we let it. Now if only I could act as I believe!! We believe, Lord, help Thou our unbelief! P.S. Enjoying your pictures...
Brenda, I'll pray for your relationship situation. My spiritual father said that most vocations, of course, should not do as a hermit vocation. The others are called to take the initiative, to extend invitations socially and make contacts, to let their lights shine in a very physically visible way.
What I am doing is simply keeping up in a reciprocal manner, within the physical constraints of body, and also to retain the Catechism's eremitic call to stricter separation, solitude, silence, prayer, penance.
I am finding myself praying even more for people this way--and recognizing that they do not know that I am praying for them. And, while I'd like to think that they wonder about me--but the reality is that their lives are very busy, and I am more forgotten and/or misunderstood than not! And this is very good indeed!
A friend saw me--one who had not returned an e-mail weeks ago, and had not called was said, and this has gone on before. So the comment was made to me that there was concern, and I realized she forgot that she had dropped the communication ball. Then there was an invitation, and I sensed it would not have been extended had the chance encounter occurred. Later, I declined since I was worn out from gardening and having sat the night before. And we ended up having quite a terrific storm at the time I would have gone, anyway.
But I decided to explain to this person that I am striving to not intrude in busy people's lives, but pray for them, and simply wait for the Lord to bring to me those who have need or desire. And, I added that it is amazing the results, and that the Lord seems to have me working on a very few encounters, which is challenging for one can then see one's faults and also can have the time to ponder and appreciate the few others' lives.
In my "self", though, I must die to thinking I am being rude, or that people will think I'm rude. Perhaps they do, but soon, I am one less person they must exert extra energy on. Yet, I have been shown by the Lord through the few contacts--and the varied ones--that He does bring those souls who do have particular needs. It is becoming more reassuring to know that God is choosing, and I am not.
I will contact the adult children once a month if they do not contact, however. And two do not, and one does.
On the other hand, in this experiment (and now what my confessor and spiritual director desire my continuing), I find that I think of many people and pray for them, and realize that although they do not know they are coming to me, they surely are by the Holy Spirit. It is so hidden, and that can be humbling because we are used to having matters known--even who we think of.
The other morning the Bishop celebrated a Mass for Our Lady of Fatima. People afterwards went back to greet him, to speak to him. I did not but rather stood back, waiting. I had nothing to say but would kiss his ring if the Lord brought him to me (in some way). And, the Bishop began to walk down the aisle after the last persons had spoken with him, and he said, "And there is [nothing], waiting silently in the background." As it turned out, he had something very much important to discuss, and a request of something he needed me to do.
Part of this way of being, of not taking initiative but of being alone with God, includes the grieving over those who it seems one just lets "drop." But again, that is placing the control in one's own power. This morning came an e-mail from someone who is not feeling well. I had not heard for a couple months at least, but I know I return whatever messages, unless it is getting down to triviality to do so. This person is who God brought, and I e-mailed back and assured the person of prayers and encouraged.
Driving home from Mass last night, I thought about inviting my spiritual da to lunch when I'd next visit, but rather simply gave a Father's Day greeting on his voicemail. When he called later, he gave the day he'd like me to come, and then said he could take me to lunch! Well, I told him that I had held back from taking the initiative--and there the Lord had decided that was to be, after all. But it was on God's terms and His total assurance that in this detail, He had decided.
St. Dorotheos of Gaza points out that it is in our few encounters that we can begin to really work on our souls, when we return to our cells.
So you are mulling over in prayer what to do about your relationship, and God will decide. He always decides, I am learning, if I let Him. If I wait. If it is a matter of concern of someone's health in a serious matter, then I will make a contact! If it is an errand that must be completed to fulfill a duty, then I will do it. But even in that, I am learning to wait. This morning I considered stopping to get fence posts after Mass. Instead, I will wait until I have other projects completed here. Today has many for which I already have the materials, including some ground cover and compost to be worked into the clay soil prior to planting....
God bless you, and I pray whatever is best in your vocation will be made clear by the Holy Spirit, and that then you will have the courage to enact even what seems to go against social propriety!
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