Answers on Detachment or No Love?

The other day the confessor returned a call. The nothing Catholic hermit asked when he would be having confession available, and then there was a phone discussion regarding the hermit's concerns about its growing awareness of the possible following: not being a loving soul, or very spiritually detached, or in too much physical pain to know which if any!

He asked some questions, and the nothing answered and gave the symptoms. That the nothing was not even concerned much about the Samaritan Dogwood's near-death experience and the outcome uncertain (poor tree is in triage!), was the ultimate example of detachment or lack of love, for plants are certainly the easiest to love--or maybe stones!

But he said it is not a problem of the nothing's not being a loving soul. It is more that there is a faith in God that is growing and calm, and the nothing prays but not with the tension but with more faith, knowing at a greater awareness that God handles all matters. The nothing forgot to mention that it can easily forget to eat, or when the stomach or pain level reminds the body that it needs nourishment, the nothing cares not what it eats. In food, also, it has no enemies! But, some have chosen the nothing as an enemy, such as milk and wheat products and some sugar, for there is a developing allergy from these. And meat--well, there is simply no appetite for it after these many years. Everything seems com ci, com ca!

So, the diagnosis and prognosis is good, although still the nothing felt it to be a soul that does not love but was a bit relieved that the confessor was convinced otherwise.

Within the hour, a call came that the nothing could not at that moment answer, from an elderly woman, a long-time family friend, in a nearby town. The nothing's energy had just returned a couple hours previous, and the woman did not leave a message. She calls on occasion to update on her husband who has been stricken and in nursing home for several months. The nothing returned the woman's call within minutes, but to no avail.

Obviously, something was seriously wrong. The nothing felt it deep inside, and with some investigating, tracked her to a hospital, but there could not talk with her but learned her husband was being transferred to the hospital near where the nothing resides. So, off to the hospital to meet the ambulance, and from that moment on through ER and ICU and now a regular room, the nothing was put to active service.

Of course, there is great love for this couple. Their adult children are out of the area, and one with health problems and the other with obligations and exhaustion which prohibits their easily coming. The one closer in distance did come, arriving as we had made some ER decisions and taking the man to ICU. The next morning was a surgical procedure to eliminate risk of the life-threat, and yet there was still critical need, as internal bleeding was a concern. The doctors and nurses keep repeating: He is between a rock and a hard place.

In the ER, the compassionate young doctor asked many questions of the man and his wife, and the nothing helped fill in, for at ages 87 and 88, and nearing midnight, things were a bit blurry for them. Something about that doctor kept humming inside the nothing. Something about his side view, his voice, his very essence. So as he was getting ready to leave, the nothing strained to see his name badge. Then, in a last moment urge asked his first name. He was taken aback some, became reserved in professionalism but answered, wary. Then the nothing asked if he'd gone to a certain university for undergraduate degree. The doctor's eyebrows arched and eyes widened, and in amazement he assented. Then the nothing asked if he remembered being in my home for a weekend, back in his college days, as he visited with an adult child who had been a friend?

What a joyous little reunion in a cramped ER cove! And what a joy and lift to the elderly man and woman, for the incredible happening. An immediate bond was developed, and later when the doctor returned three or four more times, he had arranged consultations over the patient's condition, with ideas for treatment, knowing either contained life-risks. But the elderly woman told the husband what had occurred in the reconnoiter, and she kept repeating, "What are the odds of this?"

The nothing was able to explain that this is a sign of God's letting them know that all is in His Divine Providence, and that they are in very good hands, the timing just right.

This doctor was not from the area, and it had been 12 or more years, and a brief visit long forgotten, and much had transpired for all of us since then. And it was the touch of God in the soul and no doubt the nothing's angel, that nudged it to be bold and ask the questions.

From that point on, the Lord's loving assurance guided the process in a way that these friends knew whatever happened, God is in charge. For the nothing, it was not lost in the message that God wanted the nothing to be assured it is spiritual detachment and not a lack of love that the nothing is experiencing. And, that is considered a good problem.

But within two days, thanks be to God the man improved in a remarkable way, as the nothing was grinding down physically. More so, but this is difficult to explain in a blog that others read, it is the sensations of so many souls all about, particularly in a hospital, and with their intense needs and issues, family relationships, fears, sorrows, sickness, love and struggles to love--that were like the clots in the elderly man's leg. These souls float and some stick, and the nothing's soul works to absorb them without their breaking loose and going to a vital organ, so to speak! My, it is a kind of work that is more fatiguing than the pain of standing on hard hospital floors, or of sitting when too worn out to stand (and sitting being quite painful for the nothing's back). And then there is the deprivation of rest, and the responsibility to not only make sure all is clear to the elderly couple, but to relay all information by phone to family members, and to then calm their fears, and then more so, to witness of God, explain the spiritual aspects of their interactions with one another, of the possibility of death and risks and the joy of it all. For, the work with souls (and these are Protestants who are not reared with the Catholic understanding of suffering and death in a spiritual sense) can be the most arduous of all.

Thanks be to God, the crisis waned as the nothing was struggling to physically endure. The good Samaritan Dogwood waited patiently to be severely pruned back; humans took first in line for immediate care. Ironically, the nursery man called just as the nothing was departing for the ER, and said, "You MUST cut back the Samaritan at least ten inches, all branches--NOW." Well, the nothing simply could not. And watering--well, the Lord provided a good rain last night.

Funny, too, the elderly woman kept repeating just how "kind" and "loving" is the nothing, and kept asking how it knew what to do, and how needed is the nothing at this time. The nothing kept trying to explain that it is not those things, that it is really quite selfish, but that thankfully the Lord had returned its energy just a couple hours before their need became known.

But the lunch out with a woman who requested is canceled permanently. The nothing Catholic hermit knows now, with an inner assurance and also an outer approval by the spiritual da, that it must reserve the bodily activity for high spiritual needs and crises, as God determines. Emotional and social needs of others will be met through prayer, and but lunch out is not a high need. The nothing invited the woman to e-mail our visit.

The Lord does give and does take away, blessed be the Name of the Lord! What He wills, He makes known and provides the means and way; what is not willed is known much as St. Ignatius of Loyola describes in a couple or three pages in his Exercises, under discernment of spirits. Through circumstances, bodily endurance and energy, and interior nudgings, the nothing hermit learns to discern, also, what it is to "do"--and that is mostly not active works of mercy but interior acts of charity.

The nothing wants to write more about Fra Jerome, the hermit of Cat Island, for there is some wisdom regarding the way of prudence vs. the way of Divine folly--but that will have to wait. Mass is next, thankfully, and lectoring as the nothing's little joyful task at Mass, and then blessed confession! Then, a visit to check on the rapidly progressing patient and his loyal, loving wife, and then back to Agnus Dei and probably soon back to 5 p.m. Mass! Ah, the spiritual and physical infilling of Mass. Jesus is our Sustenance.