You Are a Hermit in Your Heart

The canon lawyer priest kept repeating this in the Cathedral parking lot.

The nothing had been to confession, then to Mass, and after Mass had asked a couple questions of the priest there, and the brief counsel and the sensitivities involved between the two priests thus far, seemed to be a means of yet more upheaval of The Great Peace than at any point in the past six months since its bestowal.

So the nothing prayed and prayed hard, and then when the lights were turned off and doors being locked, knew it must leave. So it was in the parking lot that the nothing saw and spoke with the third priest of the afternoon. And it told him it had betrayed God and been betrayed and influenced by humankind--and the nothing had caved to the latter's influence. But he said, "No."

This young priest who seems to have a rich and deep spiritual endowment, said that the exterior does not so much mattter, but that the nothing is a hermit in its heart. He pointed to the heart and kept repeating this: You are a hermit in your heart. He said that is what matters.

There were reasons for the assault on the inner peace and joy. Some the nothing will not go into here, for they deal with prayers and pleadings for two souls, and one the soul of a priest in great danger of eternal consequences. The nothing had prayed the most powerful weapon against evil for his rescue: the rosary. That was underlying the day's struggle, as well as some heavy pain on its way.

But, the nothing had taken a jaunt on the internet, and saw a site that is quite intelligent, interesting, and very well put together. Lovely and fascinating photos of hermits and their abodes were on one portion. Articles of hermits on another. It is quite good.

But somehow it affected the nothing. The nothing did not appear like those hermits nor did Agnus Dei stack up as hermit-like, either. The nothing felt it has gone backwards two years, and was closer to God then, and more hermit-like in kind with these photos, then. And the nothing purchased three more books, so the moratorium lasted a whole week (or less).

In confession, then, the nothing brought up the point of having gone backwards and mentioned the reasons it thought so. The confessor reminded the nothing to not compare itself, but gave reasons why hermits lived in such simple circumstances and had given up possessions: as a sign to the world of detachment--and for the Church. Then the confessor mentioned something about the Carthusians which does not stack up with what the nothing has read; but perhaps it was so after Vatican II and yet was not implemented, for at La Grande Chartreuse, the monks are not enforced to speak each day so as to avoid becoming too turned in on self. Perhaps someone involved with Vatican II thought this should be imposed (as the priest said), but the nothing has not read nor seen (vis a vis, Into Great Silence) that this is the current way of the monks.

However, the priest also asked the nothing a good question: if the books are bringing the nothing closer to God, or if they are a focus in themselves. He commented that the Scriptures are to bring people closer to God, but often, people have them, read them, but there is not the relationship with them that is meant by God as a means of interrelationship and deep comprehension. He wisely said that these books and a vocation such as hermit, are to be means of coming to God. He said that everyone's true vocation is to come to God, and the other vocations are means of that primary vocation. Agreed.

Part of the nothing Catholic hermit's dilemma, blessedly stirred by viewing the well-done site on hermits of all religions and no religions, is the question: Is simplicity exterior and interior, or is it really just interior? That is: true simplicity, holy simplicity. For the nothing sees that it had rid out possessions and lived as a kind of nomad, quite free, and now has accumulated possessions from an abode and its furnishings to a varied "habit" of clothing, to numerous Catholic books in four areas of study (hermits, victim souls, interior life, Scripture), and matters external, resultant, are not simplified but more complicated.

Prior to Mass in prayer, and during Mass, the nothing (in conjunction with the Passion reading), came to a sense that simplicity is interior, or at least should be interior, and it seemed that the external simplicity of how hermits are "supposed" to be, "supposed" to look, "supposed" to live--is not critical. No, it seeemed to the nothing that the interior is the critical aspect. And the interior of a hermit--simplicity of interior--will take some pondering.

After Mass, the nothing asked this of the priest who the nothing had utilized as a regular confessor. There were a couple other items of the nothing's interior life asked, but he put those back onto the nothing, saying the nothing would have to figure that out with God. As to the question: Is simplicity interior, or is it exterior, or must it be both?--he replied that it must be both, for the exterior expressed the interior simplicity, and helps form it. Someone who possesses simplicity, then, would demonstrate that exteriorly. That it is a kind of middle stance. When the nothing commented that it had accumulated, the priest said that getting rid of things is a process.... (But, but--was not the nothing approved of for having now played the part and fit itself in? The thought dashed against and smashed the very breath.)

Well, then, the nothing replied, it has gone backwards, for it has accumulated rather than remained with little.

And with a kind of horror, the nothing returned to its pew, as the Cathedral emptied out, and was in prayer of shock and sorrow. The nothing had betrayed God in this vocation, and the nothing had been betrayed by those who had encouraged to blend in, to fit in, as the nothing began to accumulate and develop a "cover". And with that, came possessions and the ensuing responsibilities--even to ironing some laundered clothes that wrinkle and would look unkempt. Looking unkempt, of course, would make the nothing more noticeable. But most of all, in the cold-water-in-the-face encounter, the nothing realized it had made the choices, even if based on advice, even if in the case of the abode, the financial advice from the world informed the increased costs of ownership in a low-growth area.

The nothing felt this betrayal, and the fault lay with the nothing, for the most part. But the nothing felt all the more alone, for it seemed there was no help at all from the available counsel. (Perhaps the priest encountered in the parking lot had the answer.) It did rather go along with what seemed to be the logical and prayerful conclusion--until the nothing was told that simplicity would be both external and internal.

Dear God in Heaven: the nothing desired to pack up the duds and dump them that very evening. The nothing wanted to be rid of an abode that would not be feasible to unload. But to these thoughts, the parking lot priest kept saying: No. No, the nothing is a hermit in its heart.

Again, the parking lot priest said, "You are a hermit in your heart! There are many aspects to the charisms of each unique vocation."

[In this space, the nothing had written about someone rather public, using it as an example of the exterior in place but the inner being complicated. What was written turned out to be--ta da!--detraction! It struck again! Someone had advised the nothing that if the person were public, like a politician, then their lives were open for debate. Well, the nothing did not feel right about that, what it had written as an example, so went to confession. The solid, classic Catholic books by saints and holy spiritual directors, proved correct: no detraction whatsoever. The challenge remains to bring up examples of what is good, and if what is wrong is necessary to mention in contrast, then to do so without specific names of persons, public or not. If one is focused and infused into God, then detraction will dissipate and charity reign.]

Exterior simplicity is like make-up on an actor or actress; it hides blemishes and can present a picture of roseate health, when dark shadows of pain, pallor of sickness, and wrinkles of age are the reality. Or it can create an illusion the opposite--or of any sort--depending upon the desired exterior result. The make up can easily be removed with a swipe of tissue and cold cream.

Proposed: Simplicity lies within the heart; it is an interior virtue. It may or may not be exhibited on the exterior. Eventually, though, the love underlying simplicity will show itself in fruit either hidden or seen, left on the tree or tasted.

As the parking lot priest exclaimed to the nothing: But you would give anything you possess away if asked, you would be rid of it all if you could, you are detached from anything of this world! Well, God has not asked that of the nothing, at least not for now. Before, the nothing offered it all away. It was easy enough to part with things. It made the nothing austere in exterior simplicity, and that was a carefree time period. Very little to dust, nothing to garden, few expenses, no upkeep, no decisions to be made for this or that, even in what to wear. Extreme made others uncomfortable.

The books: why the books? Are they bringing the nothing closer to God? Not sure. The nothing has referred to it as a compulsion, as an addiction! Yet, the nothing experienced in the evasive manner of the priest who answered the questions after Mass, a great aloneness and of not having understanding in the other matters mentioned, which are not being shared here. And with the counsel in confession, the nothing reflected again, the loneliness, for understanding of hermit vocation--whatever it really is supposed to be, look like and lived out--seems not readily accessible in counsel to the nothing. Yes, the nothing is alone on many fronts and facets; that is, it is alone and on its own, in this world and existence, alone among the living, alone as one living in the land of the living dead.

At night, after some hours at Agnus Dei, and in picking up a book about the lives of some neglected saints, an insight came. The books are the nothing's only means of tangible answers, from those who have lived and died as long-range hermits, successful in their endeavors although passing through many temptations. And of saints, priests, religious, and lay persons who share their lives and wise counsels so so from having been successful hermits, and they and other-vocationed climbed the holy mountain (picking up from stumblings) and found union with God . The nothing had better hang on to the books, for they and Scripture are part of the means God is utilizing to form the nothing Catholic hermit. Above all: hang on to prayer and the Sacraments.

Truly, that is a simple means of formation. It does not require living in a monastery or in a cave high on the cliffs of Mount Athos, or in a cabin in the woods of Russia or a stone dwelling on a British island, or a cottage on the shores of the Pacific. There is no required gaunt look or straggling hair or flowing beard; no religious habit, no reclusive tendencies or eccentricities. Definitely no recognition of being a hermit--or of being anything at all. Yet, there could be if God desired and willed these externals. But He seems to will a plunging fathom and acceptance of interior simplicity. Dead Carthusians write little to nothing of externals but of interior life.

Simplicity very much includes being alone. And in this aloneness, there is not understanding or even consistent advice--except from the books. But, this does not mean to cease asking counsel of the living, for the interchange is healthy and good--if not challenging and upsetting at times. It is an ontological aloneness: the aloneness of being in this tangible lifetime. Such is God's pleasure. The aloneness stops short of the supernatural, of course. God is HERE, and His interior PRESENCE never abandons.

Of exterior and interior simplicity, the nothing Catholic hermit antes up for the interior. The exterior can, as in most things exterior, be a subterfuge, be a ruse, be a camouflage--easily wiped like a quaintly smudged window exposing a very complex view of what had appeared so simple.