Preparing for Private Retreat

The nothing Catholic hermit on this very Good Friday, prepares for a private retreat. Few know of the plans. A week ago the nothing told its confessor and the other two priests. The spiritual da had actually forgotten, but a visit was made yesterday prior to leaving.

The body is uncertain as to how the travel will be endured. It seems like going off to die: so many unknowns. The effort involved in handling the numerous responsibilities of being away for 30 days, is an effort in being joyful amidst accumulation. Amidst the preparations, the interests rates dropped, and the nothing has been to meetings with the banker to refinance Agnus Dei. Mail, orchid-tending, cleaning for the appraiser and in general prior to be gone, arranging finances, clearing out perishables, considering the exterior "habit" while away, and trying to finish the editing and otherwise deal with the whole process of attempting a major physical shift.

All the while, the interior struggles for equanimity; the spiritual foundation for the private retreat has been set: to pray for peace among Christians. The canon lawyer also prayed and received insight of two Psalms the nothing must pray morning and night while away: 145 and 27. The Bishop requested prayers for more vocations to the priesthood in this Diocese--and emphasized healthy, good men of quality. He gave a blessing to the nothing after the Chrism Mass, for the upcoming travel.

Somehow, the nothing is not sleeping as well, and the mind is distracted more than usual. A list of what to be done will help, for that will ease the details from the mind and place them on paper. Today, the appraiser arrives a short while after the Good Friday Service; the morning must be spent in cleaning. The nothing is very tired and pain has risen with the dawn.

Yesterday's visit with the spiritual da brought points of discussion surrounding statements of St. Francis de Sales. The da had written a letter with a half dozen quotes. Hildegarde de Bingen came into the conversation. The da commented more about simplicity: exterior and interior. He feels that the interior will be reflected in the exterior, in time. The nothing used to think that the exterior would help inform the interior. And that can be, in a way if interior is without guile; but he feels that the interior is the core--which of course, it is! Motive plays an integral role.

The da says the nothing should express to the Bishop the feelings of incompletion, of the resurgence of consideration of being formally possessed and "owned" by the Church. The Bishop had said to discuss it with the spiritual da--and that we'd discuss it after the nothing's return. The da feels it would be all right; the reasons are valid and sound. But the unknown of that, too, is set aside for now. The nothing is to pray about it while away. The fundamental challenge remains, and the possession of and by God remains tantamount. SFDS wrote of the soul's coming to God as the basis of religion. There really is nothing else; and since God is love, the soul comes to love.

The da made an interesting observation. He said the nothing now seems very free and joyful, whereas before was as if in "a cage." The nothing replied that in prayer, it seemed explained that the nothing is an "uncommon hermit." The da said this seemed so. It is felt that the exterior costume somehow has brought about a better utilization of the nothing. Yet the nothing must remain holy indifferent, for if someone says they see the nothing sitting by itself and will come and join it--the nothing must detach and consider: such is God's pleasure.

When this happened the other night--a person saying, "You are always alone. I am going to come and sit with you from now on"--the nothing was interiorly horrified! But it laughed, and replied to please leave room for its angel and Padre Pio! But then, the thoughts turned to figuring out how it could avoid this offer to close in on the nothing.... The next morning, the nothing realized it must not care either way; if someone starts sitting beside the nothing at each Mass: such is God's pleasure.

The da laughed, for often he desires to sit alone at table, and one or more of the sisters will come along and say, "Oh, you must not eat alone!" Then his solitude is disrupted. The nothing appreciated and related with this. It also more fully understood how St. Seraphim the Seraph used to literally hide from those seeking him out in his woodland hermitage.

The woman who said she would begin sitting with the poor nothing has not; rather, one who had chosen the nothing as an enemy for a long time, came and wanted to sit there. The nothing praised God in the heart, for this represents the fall of the last enemy force. For now! Others may choose to have the nothing as an enemy, later on. Such is God's pleasure, if so. The nothing must remain, itself, without enemies.

Yes, the da suggested that perhaps the nothing would be a trend of one toward breaking the stereotypical hermit exterior mode. He said it will be that of uncommon hermit. This led into that discussion of Bl. Hildegarde. He had just read an article which commented upon her tremendous gusto for life--and her writings which touched upon "taste and see the goodness of the Lord" as well as the beauty of creation, and that of the five senses created by God. That we might glorify God in all. Another tidbit of information is the Greek and Hebrew meaning of the word wisdom comes from a root meaning: to taste. [Hope this is correct, for the da read it from the article--but the nothing has not taken time to research, which is often "wise" to do when reading secondary sources such as articles.]

This good, Good Friday is not like others of recent years. There is a deep sense of joy and gratitude rather than abject sorrow. Of course, the nothing reflects on the sorrows of the world, and on its own sins, and on the great sufferings of Jesus. But there is the overriding joy and peace and gratitude of Christ being God-made-man, of His beautiful life lived for us to learn from and imitate, and for His beautiful, reparative, salvific sufferings and death--lived for us to learn from and imitate.

His existence was a prayer; He suffered and died, also, praying. Truly, Jesus was and is uncommon. The exterior blended within culture; but His interior glowed uncommonly bright, uniquely challenging, interminably loving.