Detraction, Again

Of course, there are other sins, too, that the nothing Catholic hermit commits. But one would hope that given one 45-minute social time at a Lent soup supper, once a week, the nothing could refrain from detraction. Or was it gossip, or criticism--or all? Probably a conglomeration of each.

This time it was speaking to three others at the table, criticizing the irksome "altar charge" at noon Masses. Usually the warriors are women; but there is one man who sidles down the aisle, while the priest is praying, so as to be but a few feet from rushing forth to assist with Communion. The women leap from their pews; one sits in the handicap reserved pew so she can be a few feet, also, and her knee goes up when the priest lifts the chalice. None of them give him a chance to complete his Communion. The other day, another woman came up, but the one who sits in the handicap pew went anyway. Only one is to go on that side. The man, readying to leap upon the Sanctuary floor (like John Wilkes Booth's leap onto the stage at Ford Theatre), hesitated, then deferred to the woman who would not budge, although she should not have gone forth.

Obviously, this is distracting to the nothing because the nothing did not have its head bowed and absorbed in God. The nothing was watching the altar, and the peripheral vision easily took all the maneuverings in. There is the other woman who rushes down the center aisle, as she always wants to be the one to give out the Body of Christ, to stand right beside the priest.

This Charge of the Altar never varies. The nothing should be used to it and ignore it. But no, the nothing spoke of it the other night, and while not using names, the conversation was banal, really. That 15 minutes will not come back to the nothing; the nothing could have so easily spoken of some marvel of St. Francis de Sales' teachings or some uplifting words from St. Silouan or of the glories of Jesus Christ. But no, the nothing succumbed to criticism.

St. Silouan says that a test of knowing if one is in the will of God, is if the soul is at peace. If something irritates or unsettles the soul, then the soul is not in the will of God. The nothing definitely was not in the will of God in that conversation. Confession will come Thursday morning, so the nothing has good time (God willing!) to mull this and to simply forgive those who display a neediness to serve God at the altar to an intense degree, and to love these people, and to keep the nothing's mind, heart and soul absorbed in God--not humans and human behavior. One would think that a reasonable goal for Mass time, at least.

The nothing has apologized to the three adults who listened to the criticisms, gossip, detraction--whatever. Apologizing can be humbling as well as to help make amends, but it is rather a small amendment considering the roots of this sinful habit. And, one can become inured to the hoped-for mortifying affects of apologies. The nothing is not inured, thankfully. It stung.

Then there was the case of that woman who mistook the nothing's body language and hesitation, and later told the nothing what a "pleasure" it was walking up to the altar with the nothing. This was repeated twice. The nothing realized the woman thought the hesitancy and awkwardness was the nothing not wanting to walk with her; rather, it was the nothing's fear that another person was coming who more rightly should be assisting at the altar. But that was cleared up by the nothing's raising the other woman, and the nothing taking the lower ground. So, the nothing should not have mentioned that incident. There is but love now, anyway, for the woman has her rightful place of greater importance. It really does not take much to see others in a far greater light, for this woman has confidence and is not awkward, and these are superior qualities.

It is a matter of training, once more, of training of the will. Fr. Scupoli (The Spiritual Combat) writes that if one prays for a virtue, the Lord will do whatever He wills and requires to cause the person to have experiences in which to practice and learn that virtue. He warns it won't be easy.

A friend, in light of the criticisms I made and of the issues a couple or more have had with the nothing, relative to the small tasks assigned to the nothing at two Masses, suggested the nothing should quit those tasks, for others will perceive the nothing as a threat and of having a position, and more irritations will come, more envies will arise.

The nothing responded that it will not quit, but if God chooses to relieve the nothing for poor responsibility or work, or any other reason, that will be fine. The nothing even considered not going to the Lenten soup supper again, but no, the nothing must make good and make up for the foul conversation, with edifying conversation--or, listening if others are having edifying words.

Fr. Scupoli wrote of this in the selection the nothing read next, which was a touch of the Holy
Spirit supporting the instinct to persevere, repent, amend, learn, practice, grow: do not quit.

"If any employment, by its very nature, its author, or its contrariety to your inclinatations, is the source of personal discomfort, be sure not to give it up on any of these accounts; show your courage, not only in cheerfully accepting the situation, but in persevering in it despite the vexations that arise and the satisfaction you would derive in quitting it.

"The same may be said of thoughts which are particularly irksome. No advantage is deried in being entirely freed from them, for the uneasiness they create will gradually inure you to bear the most vexing problems. Be sure, therefore, that whoever teaches you a contrary method, show you indeed how to avoid the trouble you dread, but not how to attain the virtue you desire.

"An inexperienced soldier who wants seasoning must be very discreet and cautious, suiting offensive and defensive tactics to the particular dispositions of his strength and courage; but he must never think of turning his back or quitting the fight by shunning every occasion of trouble and vexation. Such behavior may indeed remove the immediate occasion of impatience, but will leave you more vulnerable than ever to assault, for want of habitual patience.

"What has here been discussed does not pertain to the vice of impurity, which, as has been observed, can only be subdued by flight."

So, there we have it. The nothing's first desire was to quit the little tasks, to be away from the irksome pettiness of people who resent, or question, or envy, or desire importance in service to the detriment of reverence and respect.

St. Francis de Sales would say: Ask for nothing, refuse nothing.

If the Lord desires thus or so, agree; if the Lord takes away thus or so, agree.

The nothing Catholic hermit must go about with hands opened, palm-side up, acquiescing to nails being driven in, should the Lord will it.